Guides for Siblings of Individuals with Autism
If your sibling has autism and you find yourself feeling confused on what exactly that means, you’ve come to the right place. Like all sibling relationships, having a sibling with special needs can be enjoyable and provide you with a best friend for life, but there’s also going to be times where you experience challenges and feelings that may be tough to deal with.
At first, you may have different emotions such as being worried, scared, confused or surprised when you first hear the news. This is normal. Remember, if you need to talk to someone about your feelings towards this situation, don’t hesitate to talk to someone in your family, a teacher, a friend or anyone else that you can trust.
This guide will help you in learning more about autism, what this may mean for your family and for your sibling, and of course, for you! So, let’s start with the basics.
What is Autism?
Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) can impact a child’s development in four different areas: communication, social, verbal, and motor skills. The most important thing to know about autism is that it is a spectrum disorder, meaning its effects vary from person to person. No two people with autism have the same symptoms and symptoms can vary from mild to severe.
Something very important that you should keep in mind is that your sibling is just like anyone else, the only thing that changes is that they have unique needs as an individual. A positive thing after receiving a diagnosis is that your family can get the exact help they need to address the challenges your sibling might face.
Try to familiarize yourself with what autism is and how they behave and communicate to other people. You can start here with our What Is Autism Guide. If you have any questions after doing your research, be sure to ask your parents to help clarify any questions you may have. They will be very happy to see that you’re interested in helping and understanding more about your sibling’s needs.
Here are some tips for siblings with individuals with autism:
Coping with a Different Normal
Remember that you are not alone, and no matter what, every family has different life challenges that they encounter. It’s all a matter of how you handle things as a family.
A relationship with a sibling is very important, so you’ll need to to learn how to feel comfortable when you’re with them.
You and your sibling with autism might not have a typical relationship. The relationship you have with your sibling will become more enjoyable the more you embrace the uniqueness of it.
Try to connect with your sibling by finding activities to do together.
Have patience - you will see that it’s worth it because you will get to know them better, appreciate them and understand the differences between the two of you.
Explaining & Understanding Autism
Love your sibling the way they are!
You should not feel ashamed of your sibling, instead, you should learn to talk about autism and feel open and comfortable describing your sibling's autism to others. If you are comfortable with the topic, everyone else will feel comfortable too.
Keep explanations of your sibling’s autism short and sweet. Remember that you shouldn’t feel compelled to explain every little detail.
When You Need Some ‘You’ Time
Siblings can get under your skin sometimes, we get that. Having a sibling with special needs doesn’t change that sibling sentiment that sometimes they can drive you crazy. For all families, we recommend having a little space that you can call your own. This could be an area of your bedroom or maybe an area in your backyard.
It’s okay to be upset or frustrated about things, that’s very common. Work to establish some boundaries with your sibling and parents. Schedules and charts can be extremely helpful with reinforcing these boundaries.
There are times where you might feel lonely. A helpful way to combat this feeling is to:
Talk to your friends or family. You are not in this alone!
Attend a support group. There are special groups where siblings of people with autism gather to talk about their experiences, hardships, and joys. Ask your parents if this is something you can try. Sometimes it’s easiest to talk to people who will understand your situation or have been through it.
Find a special hobby - drawing, painting, reading, music, dancing, or sports can be great outlets for stress relief.
Parents & Expectations
Having a sibling with autism can often be very time-consuming for your parents, so you might experience having more responsibility and independence.
It’s normal to want to have alone time with your parents. Talk to your parents and tell them how you’re feeling in an effort to have them understand what you’re experiencing.
Understand that being with your parents and doing things together strengthens your family bond. It’s important!
Dealing with Differences
Try to accept and adapt to this new life and reality. It will take time and it won’t happen overnight, but remember to have patience and look at the positive side of things when it comes to your sibling and this situation.
Don’t pressure yourself to be the perfect child. Just try to be supportive and helpful as much as you can with your parents.
Just remember to not isolate yourself or be afraid (this is something very common in siblings of special needs kids).
It’s normal for you to feel embarrassed, frustrated or confused if your sibling has temper tantrums in public, but you and your parents can make things go more smoothly, by discussing a plan and making sure that your sibling’s environment is safe so they don’t have a meltdown or feel discomfort.
Yes, your life as you know it of going out, having friends over, and being at home will be all different. But eventually with time, you’ll learn to accept it and your brother, and realize that this experience will teach you things like empathy and compassion.
To deal with self-consciousness and discomfort you have to remember that everyone feels like that, try to surround yourself with good people and real friends that will make you feel better, and try to take a different perspective of the incident.
You are a compassionate advocate for your sibling on the spectrum. You help them feel supported, loved and respected.
Sometimes you will have to face challenges that take a lot of effort, attempts and patience to control it. But, one of the best things that you can do is give yourself some credit. You’re not in an easy situation but you’re doing an amazing job. Try and take a deep breath, and make sure you’ve got someone to talk to when things go tough.
If you have any more questions don’t hesitate to contact us and go to our website for more information.